It is not easy being a single parent, especially if you are a father having to bring up an only daughter. My wife Judy died five years ago in a car accident, which left me to care for Susanne.
Susanne was thirteen at the time, and her mother's death was a traumatic experience for her. For the next two months she would insist on sleeping with me in the same bed before I could get her so far to move back to her own room.
Since her teens both my wife and I always believed in having an open relationship with Susanne, and we took joint responsibility for her instruction about the "facts of life". Sexuality was openly discussed as a normal topic, just as we would discuss the politics of the day or the weather, and we answered her numerous questions - even the somewhat awkward ones - frankly and truthfully. She turned out to be an inquisitive child, doing very well in school, always wishing to explore new things, learn new facts, insisting on experiencing things herself.
Her initial education into sexual matters started when she was nine years of age, and wanted to know "where babies came from?" We told her the facts about human reproduction, of how a man's sperm cell would fertilize an ovum in the woman's womb, and a baby would develop and be born. We stressed the fact that making a baby is an act of love, and that making love is something which occurs naturally between a man and a woman. Not having a brother, we had to revert to books about human anatomy to explain the difference between a girl's and a boy's anatomy.
Susanne was satisfied for the time being. Two years later, she showed the unmistakable signs of entering puberty. Her breasts developed, and Judy took over when she had her first monthly period. We told her all about the changes in her body, which will eventually turn her from a girl into a woman. A dark patch of fuzzy hair appeared around her genitals.
We let thing happen naturally and waited for Susanne to ask the questions for her further sex education, even encouraging her to ask questions. One evening at supper table we were a bit surprised when she wanted to know "how often do the two you make love, dad and mum?" Judy explained that we did it as often as the mood guided us. That was not enough for Susanne.
"How many times a week?" she insisted on knowing.
Answering truthfully and as though it is just another statistic, June said: "Two to three times a week. Sometimes we would do it on two consecutive days, at other times a week could go by before making love."
"Do you engage in oral sex?" she wanted to know. The topic was getting just a little bit embarrassing.
"Yes my dear, at times we like a little variety in the way we make love, and we have engaged in oral sex, because we enjoy it," Judy answered.
A few weeks later she wanted to know more about the act of making love, and again we complied, giving her the facts. It was quite clear that she picked up myths and stories about it at school, and wanted us to confirm or deny them, as the case may be. We were glad to do so, conveying to her the notion that sex is something to enjoy and the result of a natural urge of human existence.
After her mother's death the task fell on my shoulders to continue the open and frank discussions with Susanne. Again I encouraged her to talk about it openly and not be reticent in asking questions which normally girls might want to ask their mothers. It fell on me to tell her everything about safe sex. I stressed that should she ever wish to become sexually active, that she should take me into her confidence and tell me about it so that I can assist her. I felt that I would rather put her on the pill pro-actively than be sorry afterwards. It was my sincere wish that her first sexual experience would be a pleasant and enjoyable one, and that she should have no hang ups about her inquisitiveness into the matter.
I started going out with lady friends, and brought one or two of them home to introduce to Susanne. She did not approve any one of them, saying that "they fall far short of mother." I was beginning to suspect that she might be a bit jealous, and even more worried that she may develop an Elektra complex.
About three months ago, again at the dinner table, Susanne again brought up the topic of sex. It was clear that she felt that she was lagging her friends in their sexual experiences, quite a few of whom were already sexually active. She wanted to know more, and her inquisitive mind did not deter her from saying with a straight face:
"Gosh I wish I could see a real penis."
"But my dear, we have all the books on sexual anatomy which shows you what a man's penis looks like," I said.
"Dad, those are pictures. I really want to see what a real penis looks like," she admitted. "Most of my girl friends have seen one already, even if it is their brothers' penis; it's only me that has to be satisfied with drawings in a book and dirty pictures in the sex magazines my friends show around at school."
I realized that was the only downside of having only one child, or only children of the same gender: they never have the opportunity to be exposed to the anatomy of the opposite gender from an early age.
"Dad, will you do me a favor?" she continued.
"Anything you want, my dear."
"Will you let me see what your penis looks like? Please?" came her startling request. I had not bargained on something like this. "You are the only male I feel free to ask such a favor and whose penis I would like to see."
I had to do some quick thinking. On the one hand, she was already fifteen and to be naked in front of my fully developed and sexy daughter would not be something which I thought I could do without feeling uncomfortable. Had I been a naturalist, I would not have hesitated to appear naked in her company, but then I would have taken her to a naturalist gathering where other people were present. On the other hand, I realized that refusing her would shatter our open and frank relationship, and imply that human sexuality is something not discussed openly.
"Okay, Susanne, tonight the two of us can have a shower together and then I will show you what a man's penis looks like," I replied.
Minutes later I doubted in my mind whether I had agreed, on the spur of the moment, to do the right thing. In my upbringing it simply was not proper for a father and daughter to see each other in the nude, especially not when the two of them are alone. But to retract my offer now after my promise, would be a break of faith. I was worried about how to avoid having an erection in front of my daughter, and decided that I would apply my mind to it to ensure that it does not happen. I knew that I should not think of my daughter as a sex object to ensure that my penis remains limp, and that it was to be nothing more than an "anatomy lesson."
Later that evening, the two of us went to the bathroom and both undressed. Susanne was standing in front of me in her pure nakedness. She had turned into a beautiful woman, with full breasts and well formed legs. She was beautiful and sexy looking.
"Gosh dad, it is bigger than I thought," she said, looking at my limp penis. "May I touch it to feel what it feels like?" she asked.
This was the acid test. I let her touch my penis. "It feels smooth and soft," she said, looking up at me and into my eyes, then glancing down again, stroking the full length of my penis with her fingers. " It really looks beautiful."
She went ahead to gently roll back the foreskin with her fingers. With this my self control went for a loop and suddenly I started getting a massive erection as blood pumped into my penis.
"Oh look, you are getting an erection," she said excitedly. "Goodness, but it does grow big and hard."
With that I decided that it was enough.
"I think you have seen enough," I said, still somewhat embarrassed.
I stepped under the water, and Susanne joined me. I was blushing red. We soaped each other as if it was the most natural thing to do, but quite frankly: it was not easy being in close contact with your naked daughter under the shower, me with my penis standing erect! It really felt as if I were having the biggest erection of my whole life. Then we stepped out from under the running water and dried ourselves. As I got into my bedclothes, Susanne asked:
"Dad, can I join you in bed for tonight?"
"Okay, but just for tonight."
When we put out the light, she snuggled up close to me.
"Thanks for letting me see your manhood, dad. I am sure not many fathers would let their daughters do it as naturally as you did it, or allow it at all."
"That okay, Susanne. Now your curiosity is satisfied," I said.
"Dad, why did you suddenly get an erection? Was it because you saw me as a sex object?," it came from her.
"Well yes, Susanne. You must realize that you are a grown young woman and when you touched my penis, I could not help getting an erection. It was just something that occurred naturally. But at least you have now seen both a limp and an erected penis" I explained.
"Does that mean that you thought of making love to me?" she asked frankly.
"That would be incest my dear, and it is against the law. Besides, you are only fifteen and not sixteen yet, which is the legal age of consent," I replied.
"What exactly is defined as incest?" she wanted to know.
"Well, the law says that when a brother and sister make love to each other, or a father and daughter as in our case, or a mother and son, it is incest and not allowed. And the sexual interaction need not only be heterosexual. Even when two brothers or a mother and daughter are engaged in homosexual lovemaking, it is considered incest and therefore illegal" I explained.
"But why does the law says it is illegal when two people, who happen to be close relatives, both consent to make love with each other?" she asked.
"It is against society's norms and traditions. Besides, there is the possibility that a pregnancy may result and there are genetic reasons why it is undesirable."
"But if you practice safe sex, there is no possibility of a pregnancy" she said. "Why is it still illegal in such a case?."
"My dear, I am not trying to defend the law. That is how it is and we will just have to comply with the law, whether we like it or not," I replied.
"This nonsense about the genetic dangers connected with incest is only half the story. At school we were told that positive genetic traits in both parents can actually be enhanced in offspring. But I anyhow think it is stupid that the government should try to regulate by laws what people do in the privacy of their own homes, and when both consent to it. I think making love between a brother and sister is perfectly okay if both want to do it and they love each other. I also think that it is stupid for a government to say that making love before the age of sixteen is illegal if you have no objection to doing it, and there is no coercion."
"That is the law of the state and we must obey it," I said again.
"Do you know that quite a few of my girl friends at school regularly make love with their brothers and think no big deal of it?" she asked. "Mary, my best friend, has admitted to doing it with her 17 year old brother Jonathan. It is something which many siblings routinely do. I wish I had an older brother so that he could teach me all I need to know about sex....," she said.
" You don't, and I hope that when you lose your virginity one day, it will be to somebody you care for and will be a memorable experience."
"I have already decided that I will not simply let any boy pop my cherry," she said. "I will carefully select the right guy to do it for me."
I thought she was very sensible, and instilled in her that should she want to do it one day, she would take me into her confidence and make sure that she practices safe sex. We eventually drifted off to sleep.
Two months went by before Susanne raised the topic of sexuality again. It was a Friday evening and I went to bed early, doing some reading. The door opened, and she came in, dressed in her nightgown. She sat next to me on the bed.
"Dad, can I get into bed with you?" she asked.
"Sure, get in."
She moved up close to me. I could not help getting a massive erection again, and carried on talking as if it was the most natural thing to do, hoping that she does not become aware of it.
"I think I am ready to lose my virginity," Susanne said. "Most of my girl friends at school have already done so. I want to get it over and done with."
"Well, have you chosen the right boy to do it for you?" I wanted to know.
"No dad, I don't have a regular boy friend. Besides, of all of the boys in my circle of friends there is not a single one which I would choose to do so. I believe your first experience of making love with a man should be with someone special, and that it should be an event to remember afterwards with happy memories. There is one and only one 'first'. I have too many girl friends who do not think back of their first sexual encounter and losing their virginity with anything but regret. The place was not right, the boy was not right, and the mood was not right."
"Well perhaps the right boy will come around soon" I tried to comfort her.
"Preferably of course it should be with someone you really love, not only someone you merely care for. And I don't expect that someone to be a future husband, just that he should be the right one."
"You will eventually find the right guy," I comforted her.
"Dad, you do love me, don't you" it came from her. She lifted herself on her elbows, looking at me intently.
"Of course I love you, why do you ask? Surely you don't doubt it."
"In that case, will you agree to take away my virginity? What will you say if I ask you that I want you to do me this favor? After all, I don't have a brother to do it for me."
"We have already discussed the matter of incest, and the fact that you are under the age of consent," I replied truthfully.
"Only this once, dad. I will not expect to make love to you ever again. I just want you to be the first man I make love to, and for you to take away my virginity," she said.
"I do not think it is right for a father and daughter to have intercourse."
"We should not think of it as intercourse. Think of it as an act of love in helping me to lose my virginity in a way which I will always cherish, to assist me in giving that step to womanhood," she said.
I looked at her. She was beautiful and attractive. Gosh, any man would grab the opportunity to make love to as beautiful a girl as Susanne is.
"Dad, if you were not blood related to me, would you have done it for me?" she wanted to know.
"Of course I would have done it gladly. Any hot blooded young male would jump at the opportunity to make love to you and feel honored to be asked to be your fist to do so..." I said.
"Then the only thing that holds you back is the fact that society frowns on incest, that the law of the country prevents it?"
"Yes Susanne, that is the case."
"Well suppose I had an elder brother, would you have minded if I made love to him?" she wanted to know.
"No, coming to think about it, I would not have stood in your way to make love to your brother, if you had one and if you both wanted it," I replied honestly.
"So incest with a brother is okay, but incest with a father is not? Is that what you are saying?" she demanded to know. I owed her an answer.
"Please dad, I want you to do it for me. Okay, I will make a deal with you: do it as a favor for me only this once. I promise not to have an ongoing sexual relationship with you if you would make love to me once only, just to take my virginity. It is all I am asking of you, for you to be the first man I make love with."
I kept quiet for quite a while. "Will you, dad?" she asked again.
"If you really want it, I will do it for you. But only this once, and the only reason I will do it is to be the man of your own choice to take away your virginity, and because you do not have a brother to do it. I will put on a condom," I said, raising myself to fetch one from where I store them in the cupboard.
"Please dad, no condom, not this first time," she said. "I want to feel you fully and I want you to convey your love juices to me."
"What if you become pregnant? Girls can become pregnant even the first time they make love" I said.
"We am in my safe period. I had my monthly period only three days ago and that is why I decided that tonight is the appropriate time. And the place is right, and the man I want to do it with is right," she said. "In fact, I have noticed quite a while ago that you are ready and have an erection," she added with a smile.
I touched her body, and kissed her. I started removing her nightclothes, then mine. We were lying in bed together, naked, and I gently stroked her breasts. The air between the two of us was electric. She gently touched my penis.
"You have a massive erection, dad," she commented. We carried on with foreplay for quite a while before she said:
"I think the time has come. Put your penis inside of me, I want to feel all of it in my pussy."
I could feel that her vagina was wet with expectation. She was lying on her back. I placed myself between her legs, and then pulled my foreskin back. She helped me guide my penis and positioned the glans at the entrance to her vagina. I pushed forwards very slightly, opening the lips of her womanhood. When the head of my penis was in fully, I could feel the restriction of her maidenhead, preventing further penetration.
"It may hurt a little when I pierce your hymen," I said.
"That is okay. Just come inside of me. I want to feel all of you inside" she whispered, looking me in the eyes.
"Do you really want me to continue?" I asked.
"Yes dad, oh yes, yes, yes..."
I moved forward, pressing hard. I could feel her hymen yielding slowly. Then all of a sudden it gave way, and I was inside of her halfway. I stopped my forward motion, holding still.
"Does it hurt?" I wanted to know.
"Only a little. Just wait a few seconds, then we can continue."
I held it like that for a while.
"Thanks, dad. I wanted nobody else but you to do this for me. You can now continue," she said, smiling. Slowly I entered her until the whole of my penis was inside and I could feel it's tip touching the entrance to her womb. We were firmly locked as one. Susanne's vagina was tight and warm and enveloped my penis firmly.
"Well I have done my duty; I pierced your hymen and we can stop now if you want to" I said.
"Oh no, dad, never. We must complete this for both of us" she said.
We took our time making love this first time. She was well lubricated, and my penis would slide in and out of her tight pussy smoothly. Every time I approached an orgasm, I would stop, not wanting this to end.
"Dad, I think I am coming," she said after a while. Then she groaned and held me tight. "I'm coming, I'm coming - oh yes, oh yes dad" she shouted aloud. I increased our movements, and we reached an orgasm simultaneously, she holding me tightly with her arms, with the whole length of my penis deep inside of her. It could not go any deeper. I could feel my fatherly semen pouring into my daughter's virginal womb, filling it to overflow. The peak of my climax seemed to just keep on and on. Not only physically, but also emotionally this was the most intense climax I have ever experienced in my entire life.
I slowed down my movements, and eventually we came to a stop.
Susanne looked at me. "Thanks dad. Thanks for doing me the favor. I wanted you to be my first man. Thanks for turning me into a woman. I would not have liked it otherwise."
I kissed her.
"This was the first and last time the two of us will make love" I said. "But I'm glad that I was the man you chose to be your first, even if I am your father."
"It really was lovely. I will always remember my first time of making love to a man with happy memories" she said. "You know what really gives me a kick, dad?" she asked.
"That I am filled with your love juices inside of my pussy. That it is the same semen which you poured into mum some sixteen years ago, and from which I was created. And that I can feel it inside of my body tonight." I rolled over; we fell asleep in each other's arms, still coupled. The next morning we awoke when the sun was already high. My penis had slid out of her pussy, and was limp. Neither of us had any shame or any regrets afterwards.
That was three years ago. No, Susanne and I never made love again with each other; we both kept our undertaking that it was to be a once off experience. We often talked about that first time, since it held happy memories for both of us, usually when she joined me in bed now and again for a night's sleep. She would lie in my arms, and we would reminisce about the event in the same way as she would remind me of the time we went to Disney World, or the time she got her first bicycle. But neither she nor I ever tried to initiate making love with each other ever again.
I have since remarried, and Susanne is attending college fifty miles away. She has a regular boyfriend Charles, a nice young man whom she often brings home. The two of them share her room during such visits, with my full blessing. My new wife and I can hear them making love and enjoying it, just as it should be. But what happened between me and Susanne that one glorious night three years ago, will remain a secret between the two of us.
After the first time Susanne brought Charles home I asked her privately whether she liked him and whether she enjoyed making love to him.
"Yes, dad," she replied, "he is wonderful, but for me the first time I made love will always remain in my memories as the happiest experience of my life. That first time was by far the best. And besides, you are much bigger than Charles!"
I often wonder what our physical relationship would have been after that first
encounter if incest had been decriminalized.