I just got word recently that my cousin Neila passed away. She was only about 40. It seems she had breast cancer. The news shook me deeply. Even though I had not seen her in a long time, I wanted to cry, but there were no tears. There was a lot of sadness in my heart, but what I felt much more strongly was love.
Neila was my first cousin, younger to me by four years. Her father, who was my mother's younger brother, was in the Services, and when we were little children, we used to get together during summer vacations. I remembered fondly how we used to play together, and how she would always want to be in my team. We were good friends. This is my tribute to her memory.
By the time we reached our teens, she had blossomed into a beautiful young lady. I remember seeing her when I was about sixteen. She had just turned 12, but already her beauty was beginning to show. I remember the shy look on her face when I saw her that summer. My eyes were fixed on her beautiful face, and her charming pink complexion. She was unusually fair, a gift from her mother's side. I noticed her budding breasts, just a hint of swollen nipples almost. I looked at her face again. She blushed and turned away. Later, I saw her when she came out of the bathroom after her bath, and sat down before my grandmother to have her hair combed. She was wearing a skirt and a bodice. I noticed this time that her breasts had actually begun to form, and it wasn't just the swollen nipples that I first saw. She stuck out her tongue at me, and smiled.
I had noticed that she was not as outgoing with me this time as before. I had also grown since we had seen each other, and was sprouting a faint mustache. I was noticing her femaleness more clearly now, and she must have sensed that. Girls have that instinct. So she was not as outgoing and intimate with me, but was not aloof either. I could tell she liked the attention I was giving her, even though she pretended to ignore me when others were around.
One night after dinner, our parents were sitting outside on the verandah, playing bridge with my grandparents. So there were just the four kids inside the house - myself, my sister Myra, Neila and her younger brother, Bobby. Myra was a year older than Neila, and Bobby was just a kid, oh, about seven or so. We were sitting in the living room, listening to the radio. Soon, Myra and Bobby became sleepy and went away. Neila was sitting in a chair with padded arm-rests, and reading some book. I went outside to watch my parents and grandparents for a while. About half-an hour later I went back in, planning to turn in for the night. As I passed the living room, I saw Neila asleep in the chair. The book was lying on the floor, and she was sleeping soundly. She had her legs drawn up on top of the arm rest, exposing her underwear to my gaze.
I tiptoed in, after throwing a quick glance at the elders on the verandah. They were totally immersed in the game. The radio was still on. I approached her and stood before her, thinking about awakening her and telling her to go and sleep on the bed. When I got closer, I noticed that her underwear was loose. I could see the faint fuzz between her legs, and part of her pussy lips. I immediately felt an arousal. I looked at her face. She was fast asleep. I knelt in front of the chair and took a closer look. I could see the outline of her pink pussy lips behind the edge of the panty. Careful not to touch her, I slowly pushed the panty aside, watching her face all the time. She did not stir. Now her pussy was in full view.
I stood up slowly, transfixed before the exquisite beauty of the female genital organ. Her pussy lips were tender pink, with a golden fuzz surrounding the slit. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I went closer, to see it more clearly. Between the folds of her pussy lips, I could make out a tiny opening, and at the apex a small, red knob. At that point, I had no idea what the anatomy of a female genitalia looked like, but it was terribly exciting.
I was scared to awaken her, because I knew she would scream if she found me watching her naked. She would assume that had loosened her panty to look at her pussy. There would be hell to pay. But my cock was already hard and aching for relief. I had discovered masturbation the year before, and so I knew what I had to do. I wanted to touch her pussy.
With a daring that defies explanation, I wet my index finger, and gingerly reached out. I touched the pussy lips, and slid my finger slowly towards the red knob. I touched it. Neila stirred, but did not awaken. She slid down further in the chair, with her butt almost off the edge. I thought she might fall off. I quickly stood up. My cock was pushing the front of my pajamas. I went back to the door and peeked around towards the verandah. The elders were still busy.
I slowly closed the door, and walked back to where Neila was lying on the chair. I was so turned on, that without thinking or realizing what I was doing, I bent my knees and touched her pussy lips with the tip of my cock. I had no intention of penetrating her, nor did I know much about intercourse. I did know that she was my cousin, and that I shouldn't be doing what I was doing or thinking at that moment. But I had to find relief for my raging hard-on.
So I stood before her, and started pumping my cock. My ears were tuned to the voices on the verandah, and my eyes were fixed on Neila's face. I pumped my cock, clenching my teeth, and contracting my leg muscles. Soon I felt the pleasurable sensation of semen rushing through the shaft. I stepped closer and kneeling forward, aimed my cock at her pussy, and squeezed the shaft. A powerful, hot burst of sticky white liquid shot forth, landing squarely on her pussy. Another shot flew across and landed on her panty. I licked my fingers, and quickly pushed my subsiding cock back inside the pajamas. Then, kneeling on the floor, I watched the glob of liquid slowly dribble down from her hair towards the crack in the pussy lips. I knew I had to do something to prevent the semen from getting close to the vagina. I couldn't find anything to wipe it away, so I reached out with my finger, and gently wiped it off. My finger touched her pussy lips, and she stirred again.
Panicking, I looked at her face. She still seemed to be asleep. Relieved, I carefully wiped her pussy again, making sure there was no dribble left. She looked so beautiful, with her serene face, and her open, fuzz-covered pussy. I slowly and carefully adjusted her panty back up as best as I could so that she was again covered. Quietly I slipped out and went back to the verandah to watch the card game.
A few minutes later, I went back into the house, ready to go to bed. There was no sign of Neila in the living room. She must have awakened and gone in to sleep. I wondered if she knew what had happened.
When I got into my bed, I had another surprise. My bed was right next to my sister's bed which was against the wall. She shared it with Neila every night. Normally Neila would sleep closer to the wall, and my sister would be in the middle. But tonight, my sister had gone to bed earlier, and had taken the spot closer to the wall. So Neila had to sleep on the other side, which was closer to me. Since the beds were together, Neila ended up in the middle.
I got in under the sheet, and closed my eyes. But I couldn't sleep. The earlier excitement, and curiosity whether Neila knew what had happened was making me restless. I turned on my side, facing her, and found myself staring in her eyes.
She whispered, "I saw what you were doing to me."
I was dumbfounded. I just kept quiet. She continued, "What were you trying to do?"
"I don't know. I just got excited seeing you sitting in that chair like that."
"I fell asleep reading the book."
"I know. But that excited me. Neila, you have become even more beautiful now. Please don't tell grandma about it."
"I won't. I saw your cock. It was so big. I was pretending to be asleep, but I woke up when you touched me. I wanted to see what you would do. When you pushed my panty aside, I got a bit scared, but I was too curious to scream. Besides, you would have been in big trouble. I didn't want to get you in trouble."
"Why, Neila? Actually, I was also scared of you waking up and screaming."
"No. I like you, Patrick. You are very handsome. And when I saw your big cock, I really wanted to see what you would do. So I watched without your knowing. I almost gasped when the white stuff came out like that. What was that? It didn't look like urine."
"No. It's called semen. When it comes out, it feels so good. I really love that feeling."
"Is that what makes babies?"
"I think so."
"Oh. I would love to make a baby with you, Patrick."
"Well, we have to grow up more. You have to become older and have those breasts develop nicely so that you can feed milk to the baby."
"I guess so. But I am growing up."
"Yes, you are. You are getting fuzz between the legs, and your breasts are starting to form. Neila?"
"I want to touch your breasts."
"Okay, but if only you let me touch you."
Neila slid off on to my bed, and we slipped under the same sheet. Immediately she reached for my cock, which was already hard again. She cooed as her fingers circled it, and whispered, "It is so hot. I love how it feels. Does it feel good when I caress it?"
"You have no idea how good it feels, Neila," I said, running my hand over her chest, feeling her nipples and the slight bulge of her breasts. "How does it feel when I touch your breasts?"
"I don't feel anything. May be you should touch me down here," she took my hand and pushed it between her legs. I slipped it under her panty which was still quite loose, and fondled her mound.
Neila clung to me as we explored each other's genitals and caressed each other. Soon my cock was twitching again, eager for a release. I whispered to her, "Neila, my cock is ready to shoot again. Would you like to help me?"
"Yes. Tell me what to do," she whispered.
I took her hand in mine and we circled my throbbing shaft. Together we pumped it. As my orgasm came closer, I started panting. Neila kept a tight grip on my cock and pumped when my hand got tired. I felt the contractions in my balls.
"It's coming, Neila."
"Okay. Should I stop now?"
"No, don't stop. Pump it harder. It's so close."
I grunted and pulled her into me. My cock pressed against her belly and erupted. Neila giggled and said, "Oooo! That feels funny."
She reached down to touch the wetness, and said, "It's so sticky."
"Taste it," I whispered.
"Yuck, no. It's dirty."
"No, it's not. But that's okay. Did you enjoy touching me?"
"Very much. When you were touching me down there, it felt good. Please rub me there for a while."
I continued to massage her pussy and clit, although I had no idea that's what I was doing. She clung to me, pressing herself against my hand.
"I love you, Patrick," she whispered drowsily.
"I love you, too, Neila. You are my most favorite and most beautiful cousin."
"Thank you. I like it when you say that. Can we do this again tomorrow?"
"Sure. But we have to be careful. Make sure you sleep on this side of the bed every night. Then we can do it every night."
"Okay. I am sleepy now." She kissed me on the cheek, and turned away from me.
As it turned out, that was the only time we did it. Next day, her parents came, and took her and her brother back home. We did not see each other again for another eight years.
* * * * *
The next time we met was at her wedding. Neila had become a beautiful woman. I couldn't tell from her behavior if she remembered our little episode many years earlier. But I had a feeling she did.
The evening before the wedding, she caught me alone in the garden.
"Patrick, tomorrow I will be someone else's bride. Don't forget me. I am still your little Neila, and I love you very much."
We both started to cry. I took her in my arms and held her tightly. I said, "Neila, you will always be my most beautiful, most favorite cousin. I will always love you. Be happy, sweetheart, and raise a big family."
She suddenly laughed. She looked at me with tearful eyes, and said, "Yes, Patrick. I know how. You showed me that night many years ago, remember?"
I smiled, and felt a hardness in my organ as the memory of that clandestine intimacy came back to me.
"Do you still remember it? Now we both know what it's all about, and you are not angry with me?", I asked.
"No, silly. That was the most loving, most tender thing you did, my dear cousin. I can still remember the feeling when I touched you and played with you, and when all the sticky stuff came out. It was very exciting. It still is. I thought about it many times when I was growing up, and got really excited. I still remember what you told me then."
"That I have to grow big breasts to feed the baby."
I looked at her. She was stunningly beautiful. Her breasts were so firm and perfect, I just stared at them. She took my hand in hers and pressed it against her breast. I could feel the hardness of the nipple. I looked at her, and pulled my hand away.
"Careful, Neila. You are getting married tomorrow. Someone might see us."
"Nobody is going to see us. Don't you still love me?"
"Of course I do. What has that got to do with anything?"
"Then trust me. I just want to enjoy these final moments with you. I told everybody that I wanted to spend some time with my eldest cousin. Everyone knows how much we love each other."
"I know that. But we should not touch each other like this."
"We did before."
"We were just kids then, Neila. Now look at you. Such a beautiful woman you have become."
"And you have also become more handsome and strong, Patrick. Do you know how many of your cousins have fallen in love with you?"
"No. I don't care. And what about you?"
"I was always in love with you. Don't you know that?"
"Yes, I do. I love you, too."
"Then give me a hug. Let me feel that excitement again. From tomorrow, I'll be someone else's arms." She began to cry again.
I tool her in my arms, and held her close. She clung to me, and cried. I caressed her back, and patted her head. "Take it easy, Neila. It's all right."
"Hold me tightly, Patrick. I want to feel you for the last time. Then I will go inside. Please."
The truth of the matter was that I was also getting aroused by her youthfulness and proximity. I looked around quickly. There was no one around. I pulled her closer to me, and pressed myself into her. I could feel her breasts flatten against my chest as she pressed herself into me. I felt her hand between our bodies, and soon it was cupping my hardened organ. She held on to it, squeezing it gently.
"Patrick, please feel my breasts. See how much I have grown now."
I touched her breasts and caressed them gently. She had indeed become very curvaceous. My cock stiffened further as she massaged it gently. She moved back against the side of the house, and said, "Now no one will see us. I want you to see and touch me one more time like before."
She lifted her dress, and pushed my hand under it. My fingers encountered her panty. "Put your hand inside, Patrick. See how much I love you. Wait a second." She quickly reached under the dress and pulled the panty down to her knees. I felt the wetness between her legs, and the soft bush which was now much thicker.
"Touch me, please."
I rubbed my finger over the lips of her pussy, feeling the wetness oozing out of her. She pushed me down to the ground and lifted the dress. I knelt before her, and saw her pussy, covered with the pearly white drops of her secretions, and the dark golden mound of pubic hair. She pushed the dress down, and pulled me up.
"I wanted you to see how beautiful your Neila is. No one else, except my husband will ever see that."
"I know how beautiful you are, Neila. And now your breasts are also quite beautiful. So firm, big and enticing."
"Thank you. I would like to see your organ, Patrick."
"Now? In broad daylight?"
"You saw me."
"Okay, but you better cover me, in case someone sneaks up on us."
She watched as I started to pull the zipper down. "Let me do it."
She pulled down the zipper, and reached inside. With a little fumbling, she took out my hard cock, and reached back in to take out the balls. She gasped at the size of the cock, and squeezed it hard.
"My god, Patrick. How big it this thing? It looks so lovely. May I pump it?"
"I want to see it erupt."
"Goodness, woman. What are you saying? You are getting married tomorrow."
"Shut up, and do it. I won't ask you again, ever. Please."
"You do it then. I feel strange."
"Okay. Thanks." She started pumping it, all the time covering me completely with her dress. "Hold me close as if we are hugging and talking to each other," she whispered.
She was determined to get me off. The whole prospect was so dangerous and erotic at the same time, that in no time I was throbbing in her hands. She pulled up her dress and pressed her pelvis into my cock. I could feel the wetness of her panty rubbing against the tip, as she pressed forward, pumping my shaft.
"Oh God, Patrick. It feels so good against my pussy. I want you to put it in. Please."
I was shocked. "Are you crazy? You are still a virgin, aren't you?"
"Then shouldn't you keep yourself for your husband?"
"He didn't. I know he slept with other girls. One of them was my roommate in college. That is why I want you to have me now. Don't argue with me. Please. I can't marry you, but I want you to have me."
I hesitated. Quickly I looked around. There was no one in sight. Neila pushed her panty down again and pressed against my cock. She lifted one leg and said, "Please fuck me, Patrick. I want to feel you inside."
She clung to me, as I involuntarily pushed forward. I felt the resistance at the opening of her passage. Neila grunted, and gritting her teeth, she pressed down. My cock suddenly slipped in, and she gave out a muffled scream. She grabbed my buttocks and pulled me into her. I held her tightly, enjoying the warmth of her tight passage as she rocked back and forth slowly. Soon I was close to bursting.
I tried to pull out of her, but she shook her head. I felt the eruption coming. She moaned and held on to me tightly, pressing herself into me. I grabbed her buttocks, and kissed her. As our tongues locked, my cock twitched once, and burst into her. I could feel the contractions of her muscles as she gripped the shaft and clung to me, shuddering with her own orgasm. I erupted two more times, groaning with the exquisite pleasure of our union.
"Wow. That's so beautiful. I knew you wouldn't let me down, my sweet cousin. Was this your first time also?" Neila said, sliding off me, and clutching her thighs. "Did you feel it when you took my virginity?"
"Yes. I was so worried that you would be hurt."
"It was painful first, but then the pain went away. Oh, Patrick. You have no idea how happy you have made me. I have wanted to give myself to you ever since that night when we discovered each other, so to speak. How can I ever thank you for making my dream come true? I love you so much, sweet cousin." She flung her arms around me and hugged me tightly. Her face was flushed, and I could feel her erect nipples pressing into my chest.
"Was this your first time, Patrick?"
"Well, no. But it was the most precious experience for me. It was a dream come true for me also, Neila."
"I am sorry we didn't do it properly. I would have liked to make slow and tender love to you, with candle lights and music. But I guess we ran out of time. But I will treasure this experience as long as I live. If I get pregnant from this, I will name my baby after you."
"Thanks. Say, you didn't have any orgasm yet."
"I did. We both came at the same time. Didn't you feel me clutching you? Besides, I have had many orgasms thinking about you at night when I rub the red spot between my legs."
I started to laugh. "You sneaky devil. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I wanted to surprise you."
"That you did. Now I'll tell you something. I have pumped my cock many times thinking about you, Neila, and it's been the most wonderful orgasm ever. I guess, we both have had the hots for each other all these years, but never said anything."
"I knew it, though. Your eyes betray you, cousin. Even now, I can see in your eyes how much you love me. Oh, Patrick, why didn't you say anything before? I would have come and visited you in college. We were so close in the neighboring towns."
"Well, I didn't want to shock you or upset you, Neila. But you were always my dream girl, and you will always be."
"Well, I guess we have to let it go at that. But if a chance comes later, will you make love to me tenderly, in candlelight and with music?"
"How is that possible? You will be a married woman. You are not already planning to cheat on your future husband, are you?"
"No. But if he fools around, then I will call you."
"Okay, fine. You are as crazy as ever, sweet cousin. But this will have to do. I love you, Neila. No one will ever replace you in my heart."
"And I promise you, my sweet cousin, that no one will ever replace you in my heart, and nothing will ever come close to our first and last sexual experience."
We hugged each other tightly, savoring the last moments of togetherness. That was the last time I saw her. I guess she remained faithful to her husband and he to her.
A few months after her wedding, I moved away, actually out of the country. I got busy with my life, and completely lost track of her.
Last year, I was visiting home back in England. My mother told me that my cousin Neila daughter was getting engaged, and I should attend the ceremony. Hoping to see my cousin, I went to my uncle's house. When I got there, I saw a young girl of about 20. . I knew instantly who she was, because she was a spitting image of my cousin. My uncle introduced her. Her name was Karen. Neila was nowhere in sight. It turned out that Neila had suddenly taken quite ill, and could not attend the engagement ceremony. Unfortunately, I had to return the next day, and so I never got the chance to meet Neila.
I remember that evening so well. As I was leaving, Karen came out to the street to bid me goodbye. As I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead, she whispered, "Uncle, my mom asked me to tell you that she is really sorry she could not make it. She so much wanted to meet you."
I patted her cheek, and said, "I understand, darling. Tell her not to worry, and to get well soon. I'll see her at your wedding. When will that be?"
"Next year, after I finish college. You must come, Uncle Pat."
"Wild horses couldn't keep me away, darling. I'll be there... for you and for your mom."
Karen put her arms around me, and hugged me. She had tears in her eyes. "Mom always talks to me about you. She always tells me that you were her most favorite cousin, and that you were real special friends."
I nodded. "Yes. We were very special friends."
"I know, Daddy." Karen whispered, and clung to me.
"What did you say?"
"Mom told me about the evening before she got married. She said that you were her first lover, and that I was your daughter. She wanted so much for you to see me. I am so glad you came. I love you."
A sudden light went on in my head. Neila had said to me that if she got pregnant from our union that evening, and bore a daughter, she would name her after me.
"Karen, what's your middle name?"
"It's Patricia. Didn't you know?
"No, I didn't. Oh, my God. You really are my daughter. God, I'm so happy, sweetheart." I hugged her tightly, and savored the closeness of my lovely daughter I newer knew I had.
A thought suddenly hit me. "How old are you, sweetheart?"
"I am 20. Why do you ask?"
"Your mother was also 20 when we .... we made love and conceived you. Let me look at you one more time, darling."
Karen... Patricia ... stepped back a few steps and stood watching me. I looked at her face, and slowly looked her over. All I could see was my sweet Neila, just the way I remembered her all these years that evening before her wedding. My eyes just welled up with tears, as I struggled to keep my composure. Patricia quickly came closer and took my hand in hers.
"Please don't cry, daddy."
"No, I am not sad, darling. Your mother looked just like you that day twenty one years ago. You are such a spitting image of her in every respect, that you reminded me of that special evening. Oh, I wish so much I could have met her this time."
"May be it is better this way, daddy. She would not have been able to hide her love for you, and it would have been awful if our little secret came out. A lot of people would be hurt terribly. Every time sheand I talked about you, her face would just glow, and I could tell how much she loved you. But don't get me wrong. That was her deep secret which she shared only with me. She loves my dad very much, and they are very happy. She adores him, and oh, my dad... he worships the ground my mom walks on."
"I can well understand, darling. Your mom is a very special woman. May be you are right about this. It's just as well that I did not meet her. Well, I have to get going. Bless you, darling. Please give my love to your mother. I love you."
""I love you, too, daddy," Patricia hugged me again.
I kissed her on the head, and said, "Does your father know anything about this?"
"Of course not. Mommy made me promise not to say anything to anyone, except you. Our secret is safe. I love my father very much, and I would not hurt him with this knowledge."
"That's the smart thing to do. I am so glad I finally met you, sweetheart. Patricia... I like that name. You don't use your middle name, I suppose."
"No. My dad wanted to name me Karen. So that became my chosen name. But for you, I will always be Patricia."
We embraced each other, and I took leave of her.
That was the last time I talked about my cousin Neila. Her illness turned out to be breast cancer. She refused the chemotherapy treatment, saying she did not want to fight it. She chose to leave the world bravely and quickly, telling her family that her time was up, and God wanted her back home at his place. I had no idea she had become so religious.
Now she has left this world, but my heart is full. She is still alive in my heart,
and will always be there. Good bye, my sweet, cousin. Some day, I'll see you up
there, and then we will never part.