I am always five years older than her.
It happened before. Back then, under the Tamarind tree, I had to baby sit her while her father and my father went out to the rice patty and worked whatever work they did. I was young, I couldn't remember what exactly they did. But I know that I hated her because I couldn't go out to play with my friends. I had to be stuck with her while others go fishing and hunting in the jungle of Goaknouk. One day, she was crying for no apparent reason. She just wouldn't stop. I told her mother that I was taking her for a walk. I took her behind the house under the Tamarind tree and threw her on the dirt. Then I pulled her elastic pants down and with my palm beat her behinds with all my frustrations. After the anger subsided, I looked at her ass cheeks. They were red marks with the shape of my palm all over them. I pushed her off, stood up, looked around, and realized that she had been screaming. I heard my aunt's voice coming from the house. I panicked as I picked her up and held her to my chest, my hands rubbing her back. She kept on crying until I reached to her bums and rubbed them gently. She stopped crying and looked at me. I begged her to please please don't cry again. Soon, my aunt's voice subsided in the kitchen area of the house. I put her back under the Tarmarind tree and kissed her forehead. She smiled. I sat back down beside her, looked at her smiling at me, put her on my lap and kissed her salty tears. I felt the warmth of her ass on me, and I got curious. I bent her over and looked at them more closely, her small asshole and her swelled sex organ. I put my hands over the lips and gently rubbed them up and down, in circles, left and right; then I watched her face. She wasn't smiling, nor was she crying. She too was looking at me. My fingers spread apart her lips and played the small pea-shaped clitoris. Then I inserted my pinkie inside her and, this time, my little cousin's body moved spasmodically. She was moaning. I kept it inside her, slowly moving it in and out of her hairless vagina.
I know what is going on, I thought to myself. My friends and I had talked about girls and boys on our way to the lake. When we took our clothes off for skinny dipping, the oldest boy in our group bragged about the size of his penis. He said it was big because it had gone inside a girl many times before. I know what I'm suppose to do next, I thought to myself. I know what I'm going to do next!
I pulled off my pants and looked at my semi-erect penis. It was about three inches long, the gland slowly emerging from the foreskin. I pulled the skin back and forth, making the gland hard and shiny. I looked down and saw that my cousin had looked up at me and was wondering what I was doing to myself. I got on my knees and moved closer to her face. The skin moving back and forth, back and forth, before her eyes, she reached for my hands. I stopped. My small body shook. I guided her hands and placed them on my now erect four inch penis. She slowly pulled it back and forth. I closed my eyes and lay on my back. She sat on my thighs and her small hands pulling my skin back and forth. I moaned, and she seeing the expression on my face giggled her childish giggle. Somehow I was mad at her for having such control over my body, I looked up at her giggled face and pulled it down to my penis. I did not want to see that happy face. After she cried for a while, I pulled my hands away and looked at her tearful face. She looked at me and her small hands -- still gripping my penis -- slowly and with such certainty put it in her mouth. I lay back, closed my eyes, and shivered.
Then it was the War and we got separated.
I was in a refugee camp with my parents waiting for the Americans to sponsor us. In 1985, a good Christian family sponsored us and we moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota. I was placed in a junior high school where I had to learn English. I hated the school. I hated the teachers. I hated the students. I especially hated gym and the locker room ridiculing. I was shocked to see that everybody's penises were not like me. They didn't have skins covering their glands. Later, as I learned to read and speak English, I realized that their penises had undergone a surgery called circumcision. I was horrified at the procedure and was shocked that everybody in the locker room was circumcised. I looked for reasons, and they had a lot to give me, and all them seemed to belittle my identity. I felt inferior: a refugee, an immigrant, a fucking nobody. I hated them. I hated America and its circumcisions. America, Land of the Circumcision, Fuck Off!
Of course, it was impossible to fuck America off. I was in its land. I had to do something. So, every night before I went to sleep, I would put a small translucent rubber band around my penis with my foreskin slicked back. In the locker room, I walked around feeling proud with my penis looking circumcised and normal. When they asked me how come it suddenly changed appearance, I said I went to the doctor and got it cut. They gave me all kinds of five's; high, low, medium, left, right, north, south, east, west; and finally, north by northwest.
I didn't do well with white American girls. I was afraid of them. What happened if I were to give them cancer because of my uncut dick? I was afraid that I might be forced to undergo a real circumcision by the parents and their community! So, I got through the many nights by masturbating and dreaming of my cousin--especially our first time under the Tamarind tree. III.
I was seventeen years old when we received the good news. My uncle and aunt were in Southern California. I convinced my mother to move to Los Angeles by explaining the climate down there was closer to home. After my high school graduation, we moved in with my uncle and aunt. My cousin was thirteen years old at the time. Her hair was dyed-red, her nose pierced; she dressed in blue jeans and always wear the Nirvana's Nevermind t-shirt. When asked if she remembered me, she shook her head and left us to party with her friends. My uncle and aunt were busy with work that they did not have time to carefully raise her. As for myself, I worked part time at Church Chicken and enrolled as a full-time student in LA City College.
One time, she asked me for some money to go to a concert at Irvine.
"How are you going to get there?"
"Did you ask your parents?"
"As if that matters."
"Well, I'm not going to give you anything unless you ask them first."
"Fine." She walked upstairs and went to her parents' room. A few minutes later, she came back out. "They said I can go. Happy now?"
I gave her the money. She turned for the door. I called to her, "Trinny, don't you remember me at all?"
She turned at the door and said "no" before leaving the house. Through the kitchen window, I watched her get into a white Mustang. She leaned over and kissed the guy on the lips. The guy's hands reached over to cup her breasts. Infuriated, I moved away from the window and went to the refrigerator to get a bottle of Bud. I drank the beer on the couch and watched television. I reached down, grabbed my penis, and began to masturbate. I closed my eyes and imagined kissing my cousin on the lips. I imagined touching her breasts, cupping and messaging them, kissing and licking the nipples. . . .
I woke up to the sound of the doorbell. I opened the front door only to find Trinny laying at the steps. Her tan breasts were exposed; her red lipsticks smeared. I picked her up, climbed the steps, and put her on her bed. I looked at her and felt for her; she was so vulnerable, back then and now. I could always love her no matter what, even if she was drunk out of her head. I bent down to kiss her lips. Her breath smelled of vile liquor. I wanted to kill the guy who did this to her. I reached for her breasts, but then she moved. My hand shot back and was paralyzed in the air. I walked backward out of her room and went downstairs to the living room. I lay on the couch and masturbated myself to sleep, always dreaming and hoping that someday Trinny would love me back.
The next morning, at the table, Trinny thanked me for the troubles I took to put her in her bedroom.
What's a cousin for, Trinny?
A few months after this incident was when destiny came in full circle. In fact, it was another Friday night when our bodies reunited once again. That night, she did not go out with her friends. She told her parents that she would stay home and do homework with me. I too made strange faces after hearing such a thing from Trinny's mouth. My uncle, aunts, and my own parents retired for the night at ten o'clock. Trinny also went upstairs and to her own room. Some minutes later, she came back down dressed in a white T-shirt and striped boxer shorts. She lay face-down on the rug in front of the television screen and proceeded to do her homework. I looked at her body. Her ass took shape from that fabric of her boxer shorts. I got up to put the books away. From the closet, I brought a blanket and lay on the couch. Under the blanket, I slowly messaged my penis as I watched her behind moving left and right to the sound of the music on MTV. From that television screen, I saw the silhouette of her breasts hanging quite beautifully, almost touching the rug. I began to move faster and faster under my blanket.
Trinny turned around and asked, "Sorann, are you a virgin?"
"Yes, aren't you?"
"No." Then she turned back to her books.
I had almost cum when she turned around again and this time saw what I was doing under the blanket. She got up, moved toward me, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me. She pulled away the blanket and saw my erect penis.
"Oh, it's funny looking."
"What are you doing?"
"Helping you, of course. What's a cousin for?"
She stroked my dick up and down. Each stroke brought me closer and closer to climax. The skin flipped back and forth, making the sound like tapping on heaven's wet door. She then pulled the skin all the way down exposing the wet gland to the evening air. She put her mouth on it and sucked like when she was little, when she was five years old and I was ten years old. I felt myself getting ready to explode. I told her, and she managed to smile with my dick in her mouth.
"Get off, get off," I said.
She ignored me as she moved her head up and down faster and faster on my manhood. I pulled her away.
"Why, Sorann. I want to swallow your juice, all of it."
"I have something better in mind," I told her.
I learned this trick from many nights of self-exploration. When I felt I was ready to cum, I pushed my foreskin forward and pinched the tip. Then I ejaculated but the cum was trapped by the closed opening. Thus, a large balloon shape appeared at the tip of my dick.
"Oh, that's neat." Trinny exclaimed, realizing that she would definitely have all the cum I ejaculated. She lowered her mouth over my finger and thumb which were preventing the cum from escaping.
"Are you ready?" I asked.
She nodded. As soon as I let go of the pressure, Trinny's mouth was completely covering my dick. My foreskin automatically pulled back by the flowing of semen. Although she tried her best to swallow everything, my cum still found its way of escaping her luscious lips. After she blew clean my head, she licked up and down the length of dick looking for those escaped sperms. After the length of the knob was clean, she sucked my balls, taking each in turns into her sperm-eating mouth.
After the clean job, she got up and tongued me. I tasted my own sperm in my mouth; it was disgusting, but I did not protest because of that wonderful job she did on me. Soon, I even learned to enjoy it. Her tongue worked its way in my mouth like a wild snake. I couldn't believe she was only thirteen and knew so much more about sex than me, her eighteen year old cousin.
"Now, Sorann. I want you to learn about a girl's body. Go ahead and explore." She took off her T-shirt and boxer shorts. Her breasts were full and firm. Her pussy hair was dark and curly. She grabbed my hands and put them on her breasts. "Like I said, 'go ahead and explore.' Touch, feel, do whatever you feel natural."
I raised my hands to cup her face. I felt her cheeks, her chin, her warmth on my palms. I pinched her wet luscious lips. I slid a finger in her sticky mouth, slowly sliding it in and out, watching the reaction in her eyes. When I felt she was ready, I bend over and tongued her. It was my turn to explore the wet crevices of her mouth, as my tongue like a snake twisting, turning in the cave of her orifice. At first, she was giggling at my amateur tongue until I pushed it in deeper and she almost gagged. Then I moved back and watched the light in her eyes. It was one of a realization that this cousin of her who had no friends, no lovers, no experiences whatsoever might be the one who could finally make her cum.
She closed her eyes as I moved down to her neck. I felt her pulse beating at the tip of my tongue. I responded with each beating by encircling with my tongue over it. She responded by making little whimpered moans.
With my hands cupping each breast, I licked her right nipple. It was hard and red. Then I put it in my mouth and sucked, at first, the air from its areola. As my hands worked their ways by caressing and squeezing each breast, I felt the squirt in my mouth and at my left ear. I sucked on that right nipple and swallowed its fresh milk like there was no tomorrow. After, I turned to the left and did what I done to the right one; I sucked and swallowed its fresh milk, also like no tomorrow. My cousin pulled me up and licked her milk from my left air. Then we kissed. It was slow and emotionally deep. There was no tongue involve, just a kiss -- but a kiss which meant something more than any other kisses.
After I was curiously satisfied with her breasts, I went to her left shoulder and explored that area by licking it with my tongue. I raised her arms and put my nose at her armpit. It was scented, smelled of an American deodorant, but it did not matter. Forget politics! Forget racism! Forget the whole fucking world! I licked the smooth crevices of her armpit. Her body moved away; she was giggling.
"I love you, Trinny," I finally said.
Then I moved down to her belly button and licked that as well. I cleaned the dirt, oil, and sweat from that little hole of her. She pushed my head down to her pubic hair. My fingers scavenged through that forest exploring and looking for spots that would make her body twitch. Remembering what I did before and many times in my dreams, I rubbed her now hairy lips with my fingers. It was slippery; and it made the sound like the way my foreskin flipped back and forth when my dick was being stimulated. Then I spread the outer lips and looked inside. It was an epiphany. All the answers to everything was there. The miracle of life, the miracle of love, the miracle of human existence with all its pain and suffering. I looked at the love canal. I looked at the urethra where urine squirts out. I looked at the clitoris under the hood. I inserted my forefinger into her lubricated vagina. It moved easily in and out. I put another finger in, and still it slid easily in and out. Then the three fingers, and it was good. While these fingers worked its way to bringing my lover to orgasm, my tongue licked her clitoris mopping the juice excreted from her wet walls. At times, I would suck the clitoris and with my teeth pulled and stretched it from its feminine domain. I worked on her with all of me. She screamed, her head jerking left and right, her dark red hair tossing and covering over her face.
Then something happened. I quickly moved away and watched as the muscles of her pussy and asshole began to convulsively and rhythmically stretched open and close. It was something like the beating of a heart. Then it happened. A white thick liquid permeated and spilled out from her vagina. It reminded me of whip cream. I reached down my hand and touched the juice; it turned soft and clear in the palm of my hand. I put my nose next to her pussy. The smell was nothing that one could ever imagine. It was beyond identification. It was the door between this world and the Ultimate Reality.
I got so turn on that my dick was fully erect. I went inside her. It was burning with her white lava. About ten seconds later, I came and came. I stayed inside her for some more minutes. It was so warm, so loving. My home. My cum and her cum were intermixed; we were one.
When I woke up, I was alone. I went to the bathroom and saw her at the sink brushing her teeth. I waited outside like I always did. She smiled to me and called me with the forefinger. I went over and she pulled down my pajamas. She directed me to the toilet. As I peed, she pinched my skin and made the balloon shape at the tip of my dick. It looked like the head of my penis had expanded about twice its size. She laughed when she let go and my piss sprayed all over the place. And with her mouth full of toothpaste she put it over my dick. She skinned it back, cleaned it with her fluorided tongue. It felt so cool and soothing that I came in her mouth again.
Dear cousin, if you read this, then you know how I truly feel about you. I know I will never be able to do these things to you; or you will never be able to them to me. Besides being illegal, it is also immoral for one to have sexual relationship with one's own cousin in this society of ours. But the act of writing and rereading such desires create and recreate an experience that never was. And that is good enough for me.
Now Dear, tell me honestly, was it good for you like it was for me? How many times did you cum when reading this fantasy of mine? It took many gallons from me when I wrote it!
Enjoy. It is as closest as we will ever get to one another.