As I lay out the crumpled notes in front of me, smoothing the creases and re-reading them in the order they were written the memories flood back. I kept them you see. Mum didn't know I had, but they meant a lot to me - like autographs of a pop star. I knew it was dangerous to keep them. If they'd been discovered then we both would have been a LOT of trouble, not only with the authorities, but with HIM, 'The bastard' I called him. I'm not sure what he would have done. Probably killed us both.
I was only eleven when mum married him. Mum, Rob (my older brother) and I were living on our own in a small flat. Finances were bad after my own Dad had died almost five years before. I didn't remember much about him, but I had turned him into something of a hero. Rob had become the 'man' in the family and was always a pain bossing me around. My mother must have started dating 'The bastard' only a few months before she married him. I didn't see much of him then suddenly we were all at the registry office together and he moved in.
I didn't know he was a bastard to start with. Probably he made some clumsy attempts to be nice to us but both Rob and I resented him. 'Acute Oedipal Complex' I would hear later, but Colin, that was the bastard's name, was also a complete wanker which didn't help. Colin's idea of a good time was watching football on the telly with a six pack of beer at his feet. If we so much as stirred while he commandeered the living room he would shout at us angrily. That's all my memories of him really. The presence in the living room that must not be disturbed - not exactly a great father substitute. I do have one other memory of him that comes back to haunt me now as I read these notes, but I'll get to that.
At their wedding I had never seen my mother so happy but how quickly that all seemed to change. I got home from school one day and found her crying in the lounge. I hated seeing her like that, I had never seen her cry before and hadn't a clue what to do so I made her a cup of tea (her favourite thing) and sat beside her on the couch. After a while she seemed to notice me. She put her arm over my shoulders and pulled me close before relaxing back on the settee. We sat there for ages, just holding each other, not moving or talking. Eventually she got up, and without explaining a thing, started making dinner.
When Rob and Colin came in she pasted a smile on her face and they never knew what had happened. I wanted to ask her why she was crying but didn't know how. I just didn't have that kind of relationship with her and was awkward as a thirteen-year-old kid can be.
This pattern seemed to continue for a while. I'd come home and she'd be sat on the couch, doing nothing. This was even more disturbing than the crying as normally she was quite energetic. She wasn't always crying but often her eyes were puffy and red so I knew that she had been. I'd make her a cup of tea and after she had drunk it we would normally hug for a while but she'd never speak.
One time I clumsily tried to ask her what the problem was. I squatted in front of her, like I had seen someone do in a soap on TV and asked her what was wrong. She looked into my eyes and once more started to cry. The tears ran in little rivers down her cheeks. I looked down; I couldn't bear to see her face like that. I stared at the patterns her gold necklace made in the light then noticed that her tears were dripping onto her blouse and making small see-through pools on the material. This held my attention completely; before long I was even able to see her nipples clearly. I don't suppose I had ever really noticed my mother as a woman before but I remember clearly the sight of her nipples in the wet fabric and that afternoon changed how I thought about her for ever.
Nipples, breasts! God, how my thirteen-year-old body yearned to see them, to touch them, to squeeze them, to explore them. I was still at the stage (and maybe I never grew out of it) that I found breasts fascinating and here I was, staring at my own mother's chest as it was slowly revealed to my sight.
Mum never answered my question but somehow I knew it was Colin who was making her like she was. He seemed to be sapping her energy. He had started staying out late and often came home smelling of booze and talking incoherently.
The other milestone event that changed the way I thought about mum was the box of old photos I found in her cupboard. I was looking for pictures of Dad. Mum's moods were frightening me and I felt like I needed Dad's presence. I wanted to get to know him better and thought that I could some how conjure him up from these old photos. I did find pictures of him and was amazed by how much I had started to look like him as I got older. Rob, with his fair hair and deep blue eyes, obviously took after mum. Most of the photos dated back to when I was a baby but as I dug deeper I came across some of my mother taken on a sunny beach somewhere with no kids in sight. The first few showed her laughing at the camera, larking in the surf, but the next two were the ones that really grabbed my attention. She was topless. Her breasts, large and firm, jutted proudly out and she had a mischievous grin on her face. I felt strange, aroused and guilty, as I stared at her perfect tits. My dick went rigid and I had to undo my jeans to stop it hurting me. When I had it out I slowly stroked it as I had done on other occasions. This time though it felt totally different. My heart was pounding and my stomach lurched. It was the start of my first orgasm, but at the time I was shit scared. I couldn't stop myself from doing what I was doing, but exactly what was happening to me, I had no idea. When I came, my legs gave way and I nearly fainted. Not much sperm came out of my dick but what did alarmed me intensely.
After I had recovered I slipped the photos into my pocket and took them to my room. I shared the bedroom with Rob so I had to be careful where I hid them. Whenever I went to my room and was alone I took the pictures out and, after looking at them for a while and getting hard, I would go to the loo and toss myself off. Once I had got over the initial shock I couldn't do it often enough. Sure I felt guilty that I was using my mum's picture to get myself off, but as I look back now I realise that that guilt was what made my pleasure all the more bitter-sweet.
While all this had been happening, my mother had been getting more and more unhappy. Even at school when I saw her she looked miserable. Rob was too insensitive to help so I felt I had to find a way to cheer her up, but what could I possibly do?
I suppose the turning point was the night that mum woke me up. It was around midnight by the glow from my digital clock. Something had woken me. Before long I heard noises from my mum's room. I got up to investigate and when I looked in she was sitting up in bed, her nightlight on, gently sobbing with a wad of tissues in her hand. Colin was fast asleep beside her and so I went to comfort her. I was too old to climb in bed with her like I used to; I hadn't done that since Colin had arrived on the scene so I kind of stood beside her awkwardly and held her. Mum looked up at me and hugged me to her tightly. We stayed like that for a few moments then I noticed the sensation of her tits against my stomach as I hugged her. I could even feel the nipples through the sheer fabric of her nightdress. My mind wandered to the topless photos of her on the beach and, to my horror, my cock began its inexorable rise and pressed against her stomach. I tried to pull away, embarrassed, but my mother hugged me to her tightly as though she never wanted me to go. If she noticed my hard-on she didn't show it, but the moment I felt her grip relax I pulled away and went back to my room. Colin, the drunken sot, had not stirred once during this embrace.
I went back to the room I shared with Rob and lay there unable to sleep. Rob was snoring gently but I was too worried about mum. I figured that things must be pretty bad if it was keeping her awake. I must have been holding my cock to comfort myself because I realised I had an urgent need down there. I began to wank myself silently, checking that Rob's heavy breathing did not change. Images of mum, her breasts and my hard cock against her soft stomach came to mind and I came explosively, forcing myself to not to moan.
Neither of us spoke about the incident the next morning, both Cloin and Rob were bustling around but even when they had gone it seemed somehow inappropriate to say anything. As I was walked to school, hands in pockets, my hand discovered a carefully folded sheet of paper; a note. Curious, I opened it and read these words:
Thanks for being there when I needed you last night. Colin and I are going through a bad patch right now and your love and support are keeping me going.
PS. Don't worry about getting erections - your Dad would have told you all about it if he was still with us - it's perfectly natural!
This was the first time my mum had ever written a note to me. I still have it - I am looking at it now as I write this. The impact of that note is still as strong as it was then; I didn't concentrate on what she had said about Colin and her, I knew that. My eyes were drawn to the fact that she HAD FELT MY ERECTION and SHE DIDN'T MIND! During the morning I thought of little else and just before lunch-time I wrote her a note of my own. I seem to remember I wrote several versions before I was happy with the result, but this is what I said:
I will be there for you anytime you want me. I love you very much.
Then, with trembling fingers I added a postscript:
I am sorry that I had an erection when I held you. I'm glad that you didn't mind though.
When I got home that day, mum was in the kitchen, so I put the note where she would find it and went straight up to my bedroom. By dinner time the note was gone but mum didn't say anything to me about it then neither did I, I suppose, say anything about the one she had given me. We gave up waiting for Colin to get home and mum, Rob and I had dinner together, just like the old days.
I spent the rest of the evening thinking about the notes and by the time I went to bed my mind was completely confused. I couldn't stop thinking about my mum, about her tits in the photos and also the thought of them squashed against me. I dropped off to sleep eventually but again woke up around midnight. I got up quietly and went to mum's room. Her light was on, she was sitting up but not crying, just looking blankly in front of her. Colin was fast asleep by her side, snoring.
She saw me at the doorway and motioned me to come to her. She hugged me tightly but I tried to keep my cock from touching her. She looked up at me, silently with a wan smile and rubbed my back with her hand. I copied her with mine. My cock was hard but this time it didn't bother me so much. She looked down, noticing the bulge it made in my pyjamas and I smiled sheepishly. Before we separated she pulled me down to kiss me, as I went to hold her my hands brushed against her breasts and I felt an electric shock as I felt the soft heavy mass of them. This time, before going back to bed, I went to the loo and masturbated vigorously.
In the morning we once again said nothing about the night before. Mum hadn't put a dressing gown on and I could make out the shape of her tits through the thin material of her nightie as she moved. On the way to school, as soon as I was out of sight of the house I felt in my pockets and found another note, this one was even more direct than the day before's:
Thank you for your lovely note yesterday. I'm sure we can get through this together. I'm already feeling better. My arms are open to you anytime you need a hug.
PS. I don't mind your erections at all and I hope you enjoyed yourself in the loo afterwards!
I began to shake. She knew that I had tossed myself off in the loo! Mum had never spoken to me about sex before, it was as though in these notes she was expressing her true self. She wasn't cross at all, I could even see the smile she would have had as she wrote that postscript; the mischievous smile she wore in that topless photo. Well if she could write so explicitly in her notes then I would in mine too.
I love our night-time hugs too. I can't help the erections when I feel your breasts pressed against me and I can't get back to sleep with an erection so that is why I had to go the loo afterwards. I hope you understand.
PS. You have very lovely breasts. Better than any of the other kid's mums in my class.
I left the note for her, same as the day before and spent the rest of the evening in a state of nervous tension, regretting that I had written it. Mum smiled a me at dinner-time though but said nothing of course. What could she say with Rob and Colin around? I couldn't wait to go to her room again and didn't sleep at all.
Their lights went out at about eleven thirty and I forced myself to wait until midnight before going to their room. Mum was sitting up as usual, as though waiting for me. Her face lit up in a smile when she saw me. Without saying a word she held out her arms to me and we held each other tightly, rubbing each other's backs again. I let my erection press against her this time and when she felt it she smiled up at me. I was ecstatic. Looking down at her I could see her cleavage pressed against my stomach. She smiled as I looked at it. She lifted my hands from her back and put them on her breasts. I was in heaven. I was unsure what to do so I brushed her stiff nipples with my palms. She didn't let me touch them for long though. She pulled them away then stroked my face and kissed me again. I left to go back to bed but decided to show mum the effect she had on me. I deliberately and noisily went to the loo and then proceeded to toss myself off as I sat on the seat. I even left the door unlocked, half-hoping... what? That she would come and watch? After I came I suddenly felt horribly ashamed of myself, knowing that mum knew what I was doing in there. I crept back to bed silently and slept fitfully.
The next morning in the kitchen I watched my mum as she moved around the room. The nightie she had on was short, above the knees. By the time I had finished my bowl of cereal Colin and Rob had left. I took the empty bowl to the sink where she was busy washing up. I was curious to know if she would say anything about the night before. When I had put it in the sink I stood behind her, so close that her nightie was brushing me. She neither turned round nor said anything. I did not know what to say either so I placed my hands on her hips to see if that would get a reaction, but she simply carried on washing up. I slid them round onto her stomach; still no response. Slowly, expecting her to stop me any moment, I moved them up onto her breasts. My heart pounding madly I gradually took their weight in my hands, lifting them slightly.
She had stopping washing the dishes and was now motionless as I held her tits. I felt her nipples harden and I teased them with my fingers. She wasn't stopping me and I wondered how far I could go. I pushed against her. She must have been able to feel my erection as I could feel her bum move against it. Finally, reluctantly she pulled away from me so I went off to get my things ready for school.
As soon as I was out of the door I felt in my coat pocket and sure enough there was a hastily written note,
You are getting too naughty. How could you do what you did this morning? I'm old enough to be your mother! Don't ever do it again or I shall have to take you in hand!
Despite the admonishments I could sense that she was teasing me. I decided to tease back.
You might be old enough to be my mother but your breasts not only look wonderful, they feel wonderful too. I shall expect you to take me in hand the next time I am close to you.
When I got home I was annoyed to see Colin was already there. I knew he would be off out drinking before long and then I would be alone with mum. Unfortunately Rob came in as he walked out. He wanted feeding and waited in the kitchen while mum got him something. When she had nearly finished I went to her room and lay on top of her bed. As I had hoped she came up while Rob was eating. She looked at me, lying on her bed, and without a word started to unbutton her blouse. I watched, spellbound, as she pulled it out of her skirt and slid it off her shoulders. Her tits were held by a white bra, which she promptly undid and dropped onto the bed. Her tits stood proud before me. I was trembling at the sight of them. They looked every bit as good as they felt and didn't look much different than they did in the photos. Mum had a relaxed grin on her face.
I got off the bed and stood in front of her. She just looked at me as I reached up and fondled her. As I stood with her breasts in my hands she undid my belt. Next she undid my jeans and pushed them down. My dick sprung out to meet her and she held it gently. As I fondled her she slowly stroked me. While she stroked my dick we heard Rob moving around downstairs and although I was frightened he would suddenly decide to come upstairs she didn't hesitate. Despite my fear her firm grip did not take long to make me cum and I shot a stream of sperm into her hand. She smiled, holding up her sticky hand before us, then, to my surprise, she licked every drop from her hand before putting her clothes back on. I sat on the edge of the bed watching her. After she had gone I pulled up my jeans and went off to do my homework.
After I went to bed I could not sleep. The feeling of mum's hand on my cock and the feel of her breasts was heady stuff to a thirteen-year-old boy. I refused to sleep. I wanted to go back to her at midnight for more.
Despite my resolve I think I must have fallen asleep as I was awoken by Colin coming home at about 11.30. He crashed around downstairs a bit before going to bed. I waited for another half an hour then crept to mum's room. The nightlight was on but mum was not sitting up. Colin was lying heavily on top of her and labouring away between my mother's open legs. His naked, hairy buttocks rose and fell as he ploughed in and out of her, grunting slightly with the exertion. Mum was just lay there, looking bored at the ceiling.
Despite my disgust at what he was doing to her I felt my dick rise inside my pyjamas and I instinctively held it. I felt like going in and pulling him off. Mum saw me take a few tentative steps into the room and flicked her head with stern eyes, indicating I should leave. She seemed to show no embarrassment at me seeing her being fucked. I stayed for a few seconds longer to show I was not afraid of him but Colin was totally oblivious to my presence. Mum's eyes pleaded with me to go, so finally I did.
I went to the kitchen to get a drink. I was standing by the fridge when mum came down with just a dressing gown draped over her shoulders. The fridge door was open and even in the dim light I could see her breasts and even her pubes. She came straight to me as though she knew I would be there and we hugged for what seemed like ages. My dick had subsided, but began to grow again with the intensity of her touch. Finally she moved away slightly, took my right hand and placed it between her legs. She guided my first two fingers to her and rubbed herself with them. She released my hand slowly and allowed me to continue rubbing her myself.
She shuffled leaned back against the breakfast bar as I continued to rub her. Before long she started to moan softly and I opened her gown up fully so that I could see her nakedness more clearly. We both tensed for a moment when we heard Colin mumble, "Where are you?" from upstairs, but we heard no more after that. Mum began to rub herself more intensely on my fingers then nearly collapsed as she came, leaking her juices onto my hand.
When she had calmed down she pulled down my pyjama bottoms and started to stroke me again. Smiling, she hooked a strand of hair behind her ear and bent down, taking my dick completely into her mouth. The sensation of her cool mouth on my hot dick came as a shock at first but it felt so fantastic that I was soon moaning as she had done only a few moments ago. I gripped her hair as she moved her mouth up and down my shaft. When I came it was like I had never cum before and mum drank the lot. She took a drink from the cold tap, patted my face gently with her hand, smiling, then went back upstairs. I heard Colin ask where she had been as she closed their door.
The next day was a Saturday and I had to go to my Gran's to cut her lawn. The day got off to a bad start as Rob got up just after me so I didn't get to be alone with mum. She did manage to somehow slip a note into my jacket and I read it as I walked to Gran's.
I'm sorry you had to witness me being fucked by that drunken slob. I'm glad you were in the kitchen to give me that wonderful orgasm afterwards. You are so giving and I hope I gave something in return. Colin gives nothing, just takes. I hope you liked seeing my old body in the kitchen. It might not be much but it's all I've got.
PS. Your cum tastes delicious.
As I cut the lawns at my Gran's house I thought about little else but what we had done last night. I had begun to see older women in a different way. They could be fantastically sexy. Even when I spoke to my Gran, who was over sixty, I could imagine her taking me in her mouth the way my mother had done. With almost a constant painful hard-on I thought about what might happen that evening. Colin would be out with his mates and wouldn't get home before midnight and I knew that Rob was going out after tea. I composed a note as I walked up and down the lawns and wrote it out when I had finished. This time I was bold:
Your body may be old but it looked great to me last night. The one problem was that it was a little dark so I couldn't see it very well. Today I want you to strip where I can see you clearly. Rob is going out at six, I will expect you to do a striptease for me as soon as he has gone. When you are nude I want you to let me do anything I want to you.
I left the note where I knew she would find it and knew I would have to wait a few hours before Rob would go out. I watched my mum moving around the flat; she was wearing a shortish skirt and a thin top. The way her tits moved freely told me she was bra-less, was she panty-less as well I thought? There was only one way to find out so when she was close to me and Rob was out of the room I slipped my hand up the back of her leg and onto her bum. It was nicely smooth and devoid of panties. Before I could explore further I heard Rob flush the toilet and she moved away.
I had a shower and afterwards lay on my bed in just my shorts. Rob had finished getting ready and I was on my own listening to the sounds coming from the other rooms of the flat. Just before six I heard the door open and close as Rob went out. Shortly after that I heard mum close her bedroom door, was she getting ready? What would she put on? I waited for nearly fifteen tense and nervous minutes before I heard her door open. A second later mine slowly opened and she stepped into my room.
She had really gone to town making herself look great. She had on a tight short dress, shiny black tights and was made up as if she was going out on the town. She looked fantastic. She stopped in the middle of the room and did a slow turn as I looked at her open-mouthed. Next she stepped over to my stereo, slipped a cassette in and pressed the play button. When the music started she was once more in the centre of the room and was slowly moving to a sexy dance track.
After maybe a minute she reached behind her back and slowly undid her dress. The dress slowly dropped from her as she lowered her shoulders in time to the music. It dropped to the floor letting me see that she was wearing a matching black bra and panties with stockings not tights. After dancing for a little longer she undid and removed her bra. Her tits fell free and they looked just great. She slow-danced seductively to the music for several minutes, before starting to slowly push her panties down. She had her back to me as they slipped off her bum but turned before her pussy came into view. She had a surprise for me there as she had shaved off her pubes completely. When her panties had been removed she continued to dance, occasionally opening her legs so that I could see more of her crack. Eventually she stopped dancing and sat on the edge of my desk. She opened her legs to allow me to see her cunt completely. When I had had a good look she started to play with herself. I watched fascinated as she rubbed the same spot that she had me playing with the night before. She moaned to herself in an extremely seductive way and before long groaned aloud as she came. This exhausted her and she collapsed onto Rob's bed.
I got off my bed removed my shorts and knelt between her open legs. After feeling her wet pussy I figured out where my dick had to go, lay on her and with a little help from mum got my dick inside her. We both moaned as it slid all the way in with no resistance at all. I began moving straight away and shuddered to a climax on the third push. Mum wasn't bothered at all and was soon busy with her mouth getting me ready again. It didn't take long and this time she went on top and did all the work. This allowed me complete access to her swinging tits with their hard, long nipples. I first sucked and then chewed on them both as she moaned and gasped. I lasted a lot longer the second time; easily long enough for her to cum before me. That day marked the start of my apprenticeship as far as sex was concerned. From then on we screwed and fucked whenever we could. Sometimes it was in the kitchen, late at night when Colin and Rob were both asleep. Always when they were both out somewhere. If we couldn't screw I would touch her up grabbing her tits or squeezing her arse. She stopped wearing panties in the flat so sometimes I was able to toss her off while we were alone in the same room. We were both insatiable and couldn't get enough of each other. Mum was finally happy again.
We continued the exchange of notes too. In fact we never even once spoke about what we did. I have most of the notes before me now. My descriptions of what I wanted her to do grew more and more explicit and so did hers. She would do anything I wanted to please me. Even as I re-read them now I feel my cock rising at the memories. My ultimate memory was fucking her as she lay, naked, beside Colin. The bastard had come home drunk, fucked mum and promptly passed out. I had watched him 'perform' and was seething with jealousy. Almost as soon as he had rolled off her and started snoring I was at her side. Mum motioned that we should go downstairs but instead I pinned her to the bed and violently started kissing her. I was getting older, bigger and stronger and easily overpowered her. I climbed on top of her naked sweating body and slipped my rock-hard cock into her slippery cunt. I didn't care that his sperm was still inside her I wanted to 'reclaim' her from him as mine. I fucked her the most violently I ever had. Neither of us would have cared if he woke up at that point, but, maybe fortunately, he was too drunk too even stir. It was the only time we were ever that careless.
Because I was so confident in myself and my sexual ability I soon had a string of girls who also appreciated my skill. So many in fact that I began to attended to mum less than she liked. Once she came to my room while I was entertaining a girl I had only recently met. She barged in and emptied a glass of water onto the girl and told her to leave. This was the first time she had acted like that and it did little to endear her to me. In fact, it wasn't until three weeks later when I had lucked out for a few days that I bedded mother again. As we fucked on her bed she seemed a little desperate. She pulled me to her tightly and was reluctant to let me get up afterwards.
That was the last time I screwed her; I moved out a few days later. Straight away my mother went down hill. She started to eat more and, in less than four months, she had doubled her weight. Colin left her shortly after and then Rob moved out too.
I began to see less and less of her. When I went round to see her she always wanted sex - I just wanted to talk. Finally she showed up at my flat; luckily I was alone. She refused to leave until I at least let her give me a blow-job. She was convinced that when she felt my mouth on her dick I would come home to her. I sat, appalled, in the armchair as she knelt before me, took out my limp cock and began to suck me. She worked hard and despite my revulsion, I grew hard and came. She drank some then wiped the rest over her face. I pretended I was pleased but got her out of there as soon as I could with a promise to see her soon.
I couldn't stand seeing the way she had become and as soon as I had the opportunity,
moved with my work to another part of the country. I have not seen her since,
but I still have the photos... and the crumpled notes....